Oh What to do About the Fence!

There are those times in one's life where you need to quit straddling the fence and decide...you know what I mean...you want to do something, but you're not sure if you should...if it is the 'right' thing to do...so you make lists of Pros and Cons...talk with friends and relatives...and stew...and make more lists...talk to even more people...and stew some more.

I just finished reading the last book in the dragon and rider series by Christopher Paolini (he lives not far from my home town in Montana).  The reason I mention this is because Christopher has created an aspect of life in Alagaesia where one may discover their true name.  It is something to be guarded and treasured...but more than that in order to discover your true name a person (or Elf or Dwarf or Urgal...) must really and truly understand all aspects of their personality...the good, the bad and the ugly as they say.  I would like to think at this point in my life that I have at least gained some understanding of who I am...but some days I am less sure than others.  And I am positive that I do not understand enough about who I am to be like the characters in Christopher's books and discover my true name...I need more time for that...but...

I do know that generally I am the type of person that is excited by change, loves a challenge and a change of scenery.  When I decide to do something it usually doesn't take me too long to put that change into action.  I like to be in control of what is happening in my life (to the extent that I have an option) and I love to share the things I am passionate about with others.  Which is one of the reasons I became a teacher...though in the end I did not get much chance to share things I knew and was passionate about since so much of a day in the life of an elementary school teacher and student is dictated by others. 

I am a hard worker, but I can also be extremely lazy...have a tendency to procrastinate though I am getting better and better about not doing this every year.  I used to always need to have the radio or TV playing.  It drove me nuts to visit my Grandmother and Grandfather because it was so quiet!  Nowadays I am comfortable with silence...we have become friends even.  There isn't an organized sport I can think of that I like, but I enjoy walking and hiking.  And I love all things about nature...the natural world...science...what makes the world go round.  In the past, I have struggled to manage the money in my life.  I try real hard to be a good friend, but sometimes I mess up.  Sometimes I loose my cool.  Sometimes I have little self-control and over indulge myself.

This is a beginning of what I know to be true about myself.  Yet sometimes knowing it doesn't seem to be of help with the fence I am straddling and making a decision and so I go back to my lists...my friends...and my family.  Yet in the end, a person must just jump off toward one side or the other...or just give up the cause and leave it alone!